Thank you to those of you who responded to my last post - I truly appreciate it. Okay, so I overreacted a little - I gave you a self-pitying earful when what I really meant to say was this: I want to be a better example to the people around me. I am aware that I am somewhat of an anamoly, being a religious Jew immersed in a secular world, and yet in public I often tend to behave like the "old me" would just because I know that my friends - and the people I meet - will be able to relate to that person more comfortably than they will to the "frum me." I do think its important to try and set an example for others, but at the heart of what I was feeling was that I am totally not being honest with myself or Hashem when I "play down" my Jewishness and act differently than I otherwise would, and I resolve to change this.
Ideally, I would be around more people that I actually want to emulate, and I hope that with Hashem's help this will be the case very soon.
So ends my mini-crisis. I have many more interesting things to talk about which are not so me-focused - can't wait to share them.
posted by Jessica @ 1:45 PM
3 Comments:
Jess - We all do, regardless of background. That's the reason we're here, right? To make a Kiddush Hashem. And sometimes it's harder than others. But ultimately we learn how, by example and by a lot of perserverence and help from Above. Nobody ever claimed this life was easy (or maybe they did, but I wouldn't say that), but it's soooo worth it to really LIVE for something that's Truth..
B'Hatzlacha.
Anytime, pleasure, just keep your chinny chin up:)
I'm glad you're feeling a little better now. But again, I think you're expecting perfection of yourself when you're just a human being like the rest of us. We all do that to some extent--we play up our frumkeit around some people and play it down around others. What I'd suggest is to work on behaviors/attitudes one at a time, so you gradually become the same person in public and in private. That way people don't have to deal with a drastically different Jessica, and you won't feel like you're suddenly throwing HUGE changes in their faces.
Have a good Shabbos! :)
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